


the old days

by mumblingmaria



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Acceptance, Flashbacks, Gen, Guidance, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 10:25:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11735124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblingmaria/pseuds/mumblingmaria
Summary: After fighting the Inquisitors on Takobo, Ahsoka takes Kanan to assess where he's at with his lightsaber skills. But a flood of memories from a forgotten life hang over Kanan and distracting him from their training.





	the old days

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, remember that tweet Dave shared with us on July 21 (my bday) about Kanan and Ahsoka? Cause I sure do and I definitely still think about it daily. Well, here's a fic I wrote incorporating the little scene he wrote and expanding on the ideas he brought up.
> 
> I've always been interested in what Kanan and Ahsoka's relationship was pre-Rebels and how they see each other during the show. This was a lot of... fun(?) to write. And when I say fun, I cried writing this. So, strap in!

Ezra walked into the common area of the _Ghost_ and frowned. Only Hera was sitting at the table, a cup of caf and datapad in front of her. This was the fifth part of the ship he had looked in and Ezra still couldn’t find Kanan. 

He walked further into the room and Hera looked up, a smile spreading on her face. 

“What’s up?” she asked, placing her hands over the datapad.

“I was just looking for Kanan,” Ezra answered, shrugging as he did so. “I’ve been all over the ship but I can’t find him anywhere.”

Hera frowned up at him before looking over at the ladder to the _Phantom_. “He left a couple of hours ago,” she said. “Ahsoka came before you were awake to speak with him and then the two left.”

“Oh,” he muttered. He slid onto on of the stools and rested his elbows against the table. “They just left?”

“He’s coming back, Ezra. He and Ahsoka just had something to deal with.

“I know, I know. It’s just… I don’t know. I didn’t get to see Ahsoka,” Ezra frowned, slumping forward. “When will he be back? We’re supposed to be training daily, so…”

Hera laughed. “Well, Kanan said he’d be back today and not to worry if he ended up being gone for most of it. I guess whatever it was couldn’t wait. And I don’t think Kanan will mind if you train without him, he might even expect that.”

Ezra rolled his eyes and sighed. It was frustrating being left behind, especially if it still meant having to do all of his training alone. He leaned further onto the table before sitting upright quickly. He asked, “Wait, where are Sabine and Zeb? I haven’t seen them yet today either.”

“I sent them out into the city for supplies,” Hera said. Ezra sunk back into himself at her words. She laughed again, drawing his attention back to her. “I just sent them though, you can probably catch up.”

Jumping up from the stool, Ezra hurried to the door. As it opened, a final question popped into his mind. Turning back to Hera, he asked, “Where did Kanan and Ahsoka go?”

She didn’t answer right away. Her gaze cast down and Ezra noticed that she was gripping her datapad tightly. “He didn’t say.”

 

Kanan started the descent through the atmosphere, the _Phantom_ shaking slightly as the pressure around it changed. Ahsoka was sitting behind him, silent after giving him the final directions to where they were going. He was on edge; it was definitely showing in his piloting. Ahsoka hadn’t said why they were out here away from the fleet. Away from Ezra. All he knew was that this couldn’t wait. Of course he had agreed immediately to Ahsoka’s request but that wasn’t going to help him settle his nerves. 

The _Phantom_ made contact with the ground, an endless field of grass surrounding them, and Kanan leaned back in his seat to stretch. 

“Here we are,” he said, spinning the chair around once he was sitting upright again.

“Excellent. Thank you, Kanan, for agreeing to this,” Ahsoka said. She smiled at him as she stood up. She started to make her way to the back of the shuttle, leading him out as the shuttle’s hatchway opened. 

The air outside was pleasantly warm, reminding Kanan of a summer’s day on Lothal. He already missed taking Ezra out to train in those fields. But now, he couldn’t help but notice his role reversal; here was Ahsoka taking him out into a field to do something. 

“Here should suffice,” Ahsoka said after they had walked a bit away from the shuttle.

“What’s the plan?” he asked, stretching his arms out in front of him.

Ahsoka watched him, studied him, before smiling. “I think it’s time that we got sense of where our skill levels are. With a lightsaber, that is,” she explained. She drew one of her lightsabers and ignited it. “After fight with the Inquisitors on Takobo, I believe I would like to see how far you’ve come in your training. I haven’t seen you fight in many years now.”

Frowning, and making no move to piece his lightsaber together, Kanan eyed her. “I think it’s safe to say you’re significantly better than I am in that area.”

“It does not matter if I’m better than you,” she replied, her smile wavering for a fraction of a second. “It matters if you can hold your own against our enemy. I merely wish to see where you stand.”

He still didn’t move for his lightsaber. He looked away from her, running his hand over the top of his hair and then quickly dropping it to his side. With a sigh, and none of his thoughts straightened out, he turned back to Ahsoka and asked, “What do you have in mind?”

“Perhaps a few rounds of sparring,” she said. “And then we can move through some drills. To give you a chance to focus on where you need improvement.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he said, shrugging. Finally, Kanan pulled the two pieces of his lightsaber off his belt and twisted them into one. He ignored the look on Ahsoka’s face as he did this. He didn’t fully understand what he saw there but it felt knowing. 

Ahsoka nodded and moved into a fighting stance. Kanan ignited his lightsaber, blue light hitting the tips of the grass under him. White light joined it as Ahsoka ignited her own. He moved into position and grinned over at her. “Best two out of three?” he asked. All she did was smirk in response. 

And then the world around him froze. Every muscle in his body screamed at how familiar this was. He felt as if he had slipped into skin that used to belong to him but had since been taken away. Everything about this was a remnant of a past life. His pose. Ahsoka across from him. The breath held in his throat in wait. The anticipation.

With Ezra, they’d spar but it wasn’t like this. Already Kanan could feel the difference as he waited for Ahsoka to make her first strike. He could feel the air around them shift as Ahsoka widened her stance slightly. The Force moved around them and through them and Kanan felt it completely. 

And then Ahsoka pounced forward, her lightsaber moving almost too fast for him to catch on his. He blocked, and then blocked again. This was completely different from fighting the inquisitors; there was no hate behind her strikes, just focus. And it was clear to Kanan that even in this controlled scenario he was completely outmatched. He frowned as he tried to take the offense from her, only for her to easily put him back into a defensive position. She completely outmatched him, it felt as though she were toying with him.

They traded a handful more blows before Ahsoka dislodged his lightsaber from his hand, sending it flying a few feet to his right. 

He trotted over to retrieve it and tried to keep his frustration off of his face.

“You did well,” Ahsoka said evenly as he made his way back to her. There was a smile on her face and it seemed… sympathetic? Patronizing? Whatever it was, it fed into Kanan’s frustrations.

“You went easy on me,” Kanan threw back, the words coming out more petulant than he meant them to. He winced at his tone and sighed. “What I mean is, how can you tell where I am if you don’t give me everything you’ve got. Toying with me won’t tell you anything.”

She raised her brow, her facial marking above her eye acting as an eyebrow. “While I wasn’t toying with you, I understand your frustration. All right, I won’t go easy on you this time,” Ahsoka said. Her smirk returned as she got back into her starting stance. “Be ready.”

Kanan moved back into his stance and waited again. Just as before, it was all too familiar. However, when Ahsoka made her first move, Kanan didn’t stand a chance. He saw her start towards him and then in what felt like less than a blink of the eye, he was flat on the ground and his lightsaber in Ahsoka’s hand. It was only then he fully registered that the whole time she had only been using one of her lightsabers. 

“I take it back,” Kanan muttered once he remembered how to speak. He sat up and rubbed the back of his head. “Go easy on me again.”

Ahsoka holstered her lightsaber and then offered Kanan a hand. Gingerly, he accepted it and let her pull him to his feet. Once he was standing, Kanan watched her study his lightsaber. 

She sighed after awhile and looked up at him. “Even at a young age you were gifted with a lightsaber,” she said slowly, each word seemed carefully chosen. “But without training and discipline, those skills fade.”

Kanan opened his mouth to answer but the words he had got caught in his throat. After a shallow breath, he managed to push out, “So it seems.”

He looked down and stared at his legs under him. There were times when he’d think of everything that had happened to him since the Jedi Purge. From Depa telling him to run to sensing Ezra that first time in the streets on Lothal. Looking at his leg now felt like he was staring at a stranger. He remembered being a Jedi so perfectly and yet that was a life almost completely lost to him. Even now, training Ezra to be on the path he had lost, Kanan still wasn’t convinced it was a path he could follow. 

Kanan took a step away from Ahsoka, turning to look out at the field around them. “I haven’t had to fight with my lightsaber very often. For a while, I chose not to. I was…” he trailed off, the words lost inside him. Kanan had always known why he had given up the path of the Jedi. He had spent fourteen years actively walking different ones, as many as he could as to bury the life from before. But to say why out loud, and especially out loud to Ahsoka, proved itself harder than he could have predicted. 

But then there was Ahsoka, taking a step towards him with that sad and accepting smile she shared often with him. “You were afraid to use it,” she offered. “I understand.”

He nodded. After another moment he continued, “I’ve been teaching Ezra as best I can. I want him to be the Jedi I’m not, that I couldn’t be.” He turned to Ahsoka and hoped she did truly understand him. 

Ahsoka reached out to him, her palm up and holding his lightsaber, and said, “And I want you to be the Jedi that you are.”

Kanan slowly raised his hand and gripped the weapon that had for so many years now felt like a curse placed upon him. He stared at it before Ahsoka’s movements drew him out of his thoughts.

Both her lightsabers were drawn and ignited, her stance inviting him to strike. She raised her brow again and smiled. He shook his head before returning the smile and followed suit, igniting his lightsaber and moving into the ready position.

All his fears, all his anxieties, they had been bubbling under his skin for so long now. While Hera welcomed him opening up, there was always threads left over that still had a hold of him. Perhaps what he had needed was a master of his own again. Someone that had shared his past life and worked for a future of peace. Perhaps Ahsoka would be able to offer him that guidance again.

● ❈ ●

Lightsaber training was always the most popular class in the temple. Everyone looked forward to it. Everyone knew it was the best class. Any youngling that said otherwise was probably lying a little bit. At least, that’s what Caleb had always thought when the older younglings talked about it. And now that he was finally training with a lightsaber, Caleb knew he was right about how wonderful it was. At nine years old, Caleb was confident about a lot of things and this the most.

So today, just liked every day when they had their lessons, Caleb was the first to arrive and maybe a little too eager to learn. But no one would blame him, how could they?

It was halfway through the lesson, and all the younglings had been paired off and practicing their drills to disarm each other, when Master Yoda arrived to watch. But what was surprising, at least to Caleb, was that Master Yoda had brought a group of older younglings. They never got to do physical training with the older kids. 

“Caleb, _focus_ ,” Master Sinube said sternly. 

“Sorry, Master,” Caleb answered. He found his starting position, and threw an annoyed look at his now sniggering partner. They started going through the drill, taking turns disarming each other.

After they went through the exercise a few more times, the older younglings began making their way through the group. Some were pairing up with the younger kids, while others gave tips or just watched. Caleb tried to focus on his drills but he couldn’t help but hope an older youngling would ask to be his partner. 

“Watch it, Caleb!” his partner said as his lightsaber went soaring across the room. Caleb muttered an apology and ran to go grab it. 

As he returned the lightsaber, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Want to go a round with me?” a young Togruta asked. 

Caleb nodded quickly, trying to contain his growing excitement. He knew who this Togruta was: Ahsoka Tano. They hadn’t spoken before but he had heard rumours about how amazing she was and that there was a good chance she’d get to become a Padawan soon even though she was still so young. Caleb had always wanted to be friends with her, and now that their paths had finally crossed, maybe it was possible.

Smiling at each other, the two younglings got into position and began to spar. Caleb was exhilarated, and he was holding his own. He traded blows with Ahsoka and after each one he was a little surprised that he was still going. His teachers had said that he was strong with a lightsaber, but to do well against Ahsoka? 

But as his confidence began to take over, Caleb found his right foot getting caught on his left and he fell rather spectacularly to the floor. Giggles, and then a loud _shhh!_ , spread across the room. Caleb didn’t mind though. He let Ahsoka help him to his feet and then rubbed the back of his head, grinning at her. 

“A good start, you had,” a voice said behind him. He turned to see that Master Yoda had made his way across the room. “But distracted you became as the fight went on.”

“Yes, Master Yoda,” Caleb answered hanging his head a little. “I was just a little excited, I guess.”

“Guess, hmm?” Master Yoda chuckled. “Focus and discipline you need, young Caleb.”

“I know, Master,” he replied, hanging his head more. Maybe now he was starting to get a little embarrassed. 

“Perhaps, after many years more of training, teach those younger than you,” the old master said. He smiled up at Caleb and continued, “Hmmm, yes. Perhaps one day.”

Caleb grinned down back at him before bowing. Then he trotted off to find his original partner, not wanting to embarrass himself in front of Ahsoka again. He chattered with his fellow youngling, unaware that Master Yoda and Ahsoka were watching him, smiles still on their faces.

Yes, perhaps one day Caleb would be a great Jedi and get show a student of his own the ways of the Force. He was pretty sure he could be patient enough, and focused and disciplined, to wait for that day to come. Or at least, he’d practice patience until then. Master Caleb Dume, he could get used to that idea.


End file.
